Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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