do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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