If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
