It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
