I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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