Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
