she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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