It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
