**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
