so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
