i just wanna soil my oats bro
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
