question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize