Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
