Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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