You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
