My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
