take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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