Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
