A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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