Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
