The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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