Are we in a gay sports bar?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
