This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
