just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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