I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
