nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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