**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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