PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
