"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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