This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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