yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
