"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
