mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
