My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
