He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
