dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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