matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
