There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
