she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
