i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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