Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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