I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
