Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
