My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
