Got a toothbrush?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
im on a boat
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