you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
