Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
