bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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