girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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