Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
