If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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