she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
