I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
