remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
