this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
