was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
