It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
