i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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