Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
