PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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