So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
