Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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