Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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