tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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