i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
