I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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