I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
