Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
