College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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