oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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