I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That accounts for only three of the penises
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
