I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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