ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
