the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
