Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
