Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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