It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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