And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
