He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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